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ificantly more men than women reported downloading pornography as a preferred activity. As in studies on gender differences in sexual activities, the women tended to prefer sex within the context of a relationship or at least e-mail or chat room interactions rather than accessing images. However, in the present small sample, several women were visually-oriented consumers of pornography.
Chag women with no prior history of interest in sadomasochistic sex discovered this type of behavior online and came to prefer it. Some respondents described a rapid progression of a ly existing compulsive sexual behavior problem, whereas cyber sex chat sites had no history of sexual addiction but became rapidly involved in an escalating pattern of compulsive cybersex use after they discovered Internet sex.
Adverse consequences included depression and other emotional problems, social isolation, worsening of their sexual relationship with spouse or partner, harm done to their marriage or wites relationship, exposure of children to online pornography or masturbation, career loss or decreased job performance, other financial consequences, and in some cases, legal consequences. Although some therapists were very helpful, others were uninformed about the nature and extent of sexual activities available online and reportedly 1 minimized the ificance of siyes cybersex behavior and did not accept it for the powerful addiction it was, 2 failed to make it a priority cyber sex chat sites stop illegal or self-destructive behaviors, and 3 did not consider the effect of the cybersex involvement on the spouse or partner.
Introduction With the rapidly enlarging role of computers in homes and offices, psychotherapists and addiction counselors are increasingly seeing clients chaat a new problem, cybersex addiction. Cybersex can be defined as the use of digitized sexual content visual, auditory, or writtenobtained either over the Internet or as data retrieved by cybe computer, for the purpose of sexual arousal and stimulation Schneider and Weiss, As use of computers and the Internet has exploded in the United States and other countries, accessing the Internet to obtain sexual stimulation has increased exponentially in prevalence.
Inabout one in four regular Internet users, or 21 million Americans, visited one of the more than 60, sex sites sires the Web at least once a month New York Times, Oct. The consequences of compulsive cybersex involvement can perhaps best be ssx with a series of chta stories: My Internet activities are one of the direct causes of the breakup of my marriage. I left twice during my marriage, each time for another woman whom I met online.
A qualitative study of cybersex participants:
I have suffered serious depression and am currently in therapy and taking antidepressant medications. I have lost jobs due to my preoccupation with my addiction, for example, moving out of state to start a new relationship, or running from my marriage. My sexual relationship with my partner has suffered in cyber sex chat sites maintaining an erection has become a problem.
My children are now not living with their father. My sex addiction was killing me.
A history of cybersex: dirty talk, chat rooms, and addictions
My activities primarily consisted of going into Internet chat rooms as a year old male and having cybersex which consisted of exchanging sex talk with cyber sex chat sites teen boys and exchanging sexually graphic pictures, including boy sex pictures, and masturbating. I am a lawyer and I lost my job with a law firm. I cyber sex chat sites spend up to 8 hours online trying to escape from my problems and trying to get a porn and sexual fix.
I would not eat or drink during this time. Emotionally, I was as detached as though I was in a coma. Nothing else mattered. My online activities created some serious trust issues between my wife and me. I got divorced so that my wife and children would not have to deal with my sexual addiction.
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When we were separated it was easier for me to act out with cybersex, and I continued to do so. Right now, I am at one of the lowest points in cyber sex chat sites life. I may be indicted on felony criminal charges. I cgat worthless and shamed. I am in a group for sexual offenders and I am in jail.
My jail does not have bars on the outside, only on the inside. When I finally bottomed out on my alcoholism and ed AA, I realized I was indeed powerless over my sex addiction. But it took three years on the Internet for me to hit bottom and get help. I lost time, jobs, friends, money, and cyber sex chat sites self-respect I may have had. I would go to work, race through my appointments, and as soon as possible, I would leave and go home. This went cyber sex chat sites for years.
I was shut down emotionally. None of these cyber sex chat sites were ever romantic interests. I was clear from the beginning that it was about sex and nothing else. I also had pornographic sites which I frequented when online but not in the chat room. Those sites mainly functioned to add to the file footage which was continually running in my brain. I sought dites only after barely surviving an encounter in a hotel room.
A history of cybersex: dirty talk, chat rooms, and addictions
Recreational users accessed online sexual material more out of curiosity or for entertainment and do not have problems associated with their online sexual behavior. Sexually compulsive users were defined as individuals who spent at least 11 hours per week online on cybersex.
Cybersex was for them the first cyber sex chat sites of an addictive sexual disorder, one that lends itself to rapid progression, similar to the effect of crack cocaine on the ly occasional cocaine user. Clearly, sexual compulsivity is a problem for a large of cybersex users. For most users of the Internet, the ease of access cyber sex chat sites sexually oriented materials cjber the ability to connect with others who have similar sexual interests provides much enjoyment and enhances their lives.
But for those whose cybersex activities have crossed into compulsivity, adverse consequences for the user and the family can result. In an earlier paper Schneider,I described the consequences of cybersex addiction for the partner and children of cybersex addicts.
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These included feelings of hurt, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, devastation, loneliness, shame, isolation, humiliation, jealousy, and anger, as well as loss of self-esteem. Being lied to repeatedly was a major cause of distress. Cybersex addiction was a major contributing factor to separation and divorce of couples in that cyber sex chat sites.
Some couples had had no relational sex in months or years. Partners compared themselves unfavorably with the online women or men and pornographic pictures, and felt hopeless about being able to compete with them.
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Partners overwhelmingly felt that online affairs were as emotionally painful to them as live or offline affairs, and many believed that virtual affairs were just as much adultery cyger cyber sex chat sites as live affairs. Those were obtained via an online survey which was completed by partners and former partners of cybersex addicts. The provided some information about cybersex users attitudes, and their prior involvement with compulsive sexual behaviors before their cybersex activities, but the information was obtained only from the partners.
The purpose of the present study was to obtain first-hand knowledge of cyat attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors of cybersex addicts themselves, as well as their experience with therapy and recovery. To obtain this information, I again did an online surveythis time involving a different group of subjects-- people who xex had difficulties with their own computer-related sexual behaviors.
This paper reports on the cyber sex chat sites. Some statistics were run to compare demographic data. However, because the purpose of the study was to learn about the experience of the addicts themselves, most questions were open-ended, the responses were analyzed qualitatively, and an inductive approach was used to develop themes. Methods To learn about the perceived effects of cybersex involvement on the user, I employed the same qualitative research method used in the study of the effects of cybersex addiction on the cuat Schneider, A cover letter zex sent to therapists who treat sex addicts, this time asking them to invite clients who were cybersex participants to e-mail me to obtain a brief online survey.
The query was also posted on websites aimed at people who were seeking char for their cybersex problems, and these websites generated additional subjects. I believe that most of the responses came from the latter source. The survey questions are listed in Table 1.
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Because e-mail does not generally allow for anonymity, as a return address is automatically attached, respondents were given the option of returning the survey to me via regular mail after cutting out any identifying information. Only 2 out of the 55 cybersex users chose to reply via regular mail. Months later I was still able to contact some of the respondents using the e-mail address they had provided. As in my online survey Schneider,most recipients did not seem concerned cyber sex chat sites anonymity, in some cases perhaps because of the illusion that the computer is an anonymous medium of communication.
Note on Terminology: This survey of cybersex cyber sex chat sites did not attempt to formally diagnose sex addiction. Most respondents self-identified as sex addicts. Any addictive disorder comprises loss of control i. By their own estimation, most of the respondents fulfilled these criteria and did indeed have an addictive sexual disorder. However, this study was not deed to ascertain this. Therefore, use of the term "cybersex addict" in this article is informal and should not be construed as a definitive medical diagnosis.
Demographics Responses were obtained from 55 persons, 45 men and 10 women. The replies were obtained over a month period between July and August The mean age of the respondents was The mean age of the 45 men was The of women was too small to assess whether indeed older women are less likely than older men to be cybersex users. Of the entire group, Among the men, For those respondents who were in a committed or marital relationship at the time of the survey, the of years in their present relationship averaged The men reported a mean of That is, the 6 married women in the group reported a longer average duration of their marriage than did the married or committed men.
Sexual Activities When asked about the nature of their online sexual activities, 35 of the 45 men Several male respondents reported assuming the identity of young teenagers in order to attract that age. Compared with men, the women clearly preferred chats to viewing pornography. When asked whether their online sexual activities had led to real-life sexual encounters, 15 of the 45 men Sexual Addiction In reply to the question, "Do you consider yourself a sex addict?
They described a long history of compulsive masturbation, use of pornography primarily the men and other behaviors which, along with their more recent cybersex use, led them to self-diagnose as sex addicts. A couple of people said they had been sexually addicted, but now that they had conquered the addiction they no longer termed themselves addicts.
Several respondents commented that only after their cybersex use had caused them ificant consequences did they, in reviewing their life, realize that sex had been a long-standing compulsion antedating their involvement with the Internet. A year old man with a long history of cybersex involvement centered on fetish fashion and pornographic images of group sex, lesbian sex, and fetishes, wrote, "Cybersex is only one aspect of my sex addiction.
I used that route because it was easy to access and easy to hide. It was also too easy to lose track of time.