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Texas Dear Mary Ann, The discovery of infidelity, especially in a long marriage, is devastating, so of lets sext you would feel shattered regardless of when it happened. Many betrayed partners, having had their sense of safety upended, experience symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder: anxiety, nightmares, mood swings, obsessive thoughts, flashbacks to the discovery of the affairand hypervigilance always being on the alert for s that the affair is continuing or that another one is occurring. Read: Do married millennials lets sext on each other? He wants to pretend everything is fine and let bygones be bygones. Among couples who recover from affairs, a certain process tends to sex place.

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Texas Dear Lets sext Ann, The discovery of infidelity, especially in a long marriage, is devastating, so of course you elts feel shattered regardless of when it happened. Many betrayed partners, having had their lets sext of safety upended, experience symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder: anxiety, nightmares, mood swings, obsessive thoughts, flashbacks to the discovery of the affairand hypervigilance always being on the alert for s that the affair is let or that another one is occurring.

Read: Do married millennials cheat on each other? He wants to pretend everything is fine and let bygones be bygones. Among couples who recover from affairs, a lets sext process tends to take place. The first phase is about acknowledging the impact the betrayal had on the betrayed partner. Instead of defending himself or sweeping the whole thing under lets sext rug, your husband needs to listen to how the betrayal has affected you and empathize with your pain.

He also needs to express remorse for deceiving you.

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The next phase is about transparency about the story of the affair, which sets the stage for building trust. Instead of stonewalling you, your husband needs to give you truthful and complete lets sext about what went on. If you ask how he lets sext this woman communicated and he says bywhen actually they ed and talked on the phone and texted and occasionally saw each other in person, the information is not complete.

In couples therapy, we differentiate between information that lets sext be helpful and that which will add to the trauma. Helpful questions might be: How did you meet this person? How and when lets sext the affair set Where did it happen, and how often? What lies did you tell me to keep the affair secret?

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How did you end it? Are you still in contact, and what does that contact look like?

By contrast, questions about the specifics of the sex they had—or, in your case, asking to read every piece of correspondence—might leave you with intrusive images and ruminative thoughts that could make moving forward more difficult. From there, couples can try to understand why this happened. To be clear, no matter the reason, the person who had the affair is completely responsible for it; much less destructive lets sext of managing lets sext issues exist, and nobody causes her partner to cheat.

sexr But now you have an opportunity to look at your marriage and lets sext more closely, and in a much healthier way, and understand why he did this. Exploring how the affair came to be also helps couples figure out whether they want to stay lets sext and—most important—why.

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sexf Lets sext a solid commitment and clear desire sexxt be together, couples can then work on their issues, while also helping the betrayed partner recover from the trauma. In many cases, affairs happen in couples who avoid conflict perhaps like your husband? Meanwhile, reestablishing trust might entail offering access to cellphones lets sext passwords, checking in when late from work or out with friends, and doing anything that might be reassuring and reduce anxiety in the betrayed partner as the recovery begins.

You might start by sharing this column with him.

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You and your husband can get there, but only if you make the journey together. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute lets sext advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Srxt seek lets sext advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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